"Holy shit. How many planes am I going to miss today?"

I had been at the airport now for close to 15 hours. I slept here the night before with my girlfriend, Jamie. After we missed two flights in a row, spent the night on the airport floor and missed two more in the morning, that’s she finally got out. She had scored the last seat on a direct flight to Philadelphia. I was not so lucky.

As I continued to hang out in LAX, making friends with whoever would talk to me, I learned that there had been a slew of cancelled flights the day before going to Philadelphia. For what reason? I still don't know, but I do know it was affecting my vacation, bowel movements and sleep habits.

I did get to meet some interesting characters as I sluggishly crawled from gate to gate trying to get on any plane back to the east coast. I ended talking to one guy who wrote episodes for Are You Afraid of the Dark, including one of my favorite episodes found here. I also made friends with a metal band and got drinks with some sales agents in the worlds smallest beer garden, LAX is hell on earth.

One such character I met was a drunk woman, possible on meth, who could not remember her name, where she lived or why she was at the airport. I was sitting, waiting to miss another flight, as I noticed the woman across from me slumped over, drooling and giggling to herself. I thought, “Well, this should get interesting.” I happily perked up as the LAPD arrived to get this show started.

“Ma’am, whats your name?” The first officer asked as she drooled some more. “Was she like this on the plane?” The officer asked the flight attendant, “She was fine and then someone contacted us when she tried to sell drugs on the plane to any passengers. Then she just took all the drugs since no one was buying and that’s when she started cursing and causing a scene.” I thought to myself, “Man, this lady is awesome. Who has the balls to try to sell drugs in the air and then decides to just take all the drugs if no one is buying?” This is an American hero. The drug dealing woman started to giggle some more and that’s when they pulled out the wheelchair and handcuffs. They moved her into the chair and then cuffed her as she was rolled away.

Just another beautiful morning here in LAX…now, let’s see if I can get on this plane…

-YourFriendMatt