The Things We Do With Technology...

Ice Check is a new app that lets you know, in real time, if your local neighborhood McDonald's ice cream machine is operational or not. What a time to be alive. Drunk at 2am and need your McFlurry fix? No problem, there's an app for that. Honestly, I don't know how to feel about this. It a day an age where obesity runs rampant through every generation and cheap, awful food for you is available at every gas station, supermarket aisle and carefully placed vending machine; do we really need to know if the ice cream machine is working at the McDonald's down the street?

Who am I kidding, does it really matter? This is America. Land of the free. Convenience rules everything around us. In the infamous words of Ron Swanson, "The whole point of this country is if you want to eat garbage, balloon up to 600 pounds and die of a heart attack at 43, you can! You are free to do so."

Get your McFlurry on people.

-YourFriendMatt

Not Downloading Messenger...

I am not downloading Messenger.

This week Facebook discontinued my Facebook work-around. In 2014, the Facebook team took away the ability to message your friends from within the Facebook app, forcing them to download the newly introduced Facebook Messenger. Me, being a stubborn prick, decided to delete the Facebook app from the phone because I thought it was stupid. Why should I have to download two apps to use the same Facebook?

At the same time, Facebook introduced Paper, which was a Flipboard-Type news app competitor. After doing some research, I found out it had all the benefits of the Facebook app, including the messaging aspect of it…and now I can get news updates for subjects that interested me. Perfect. Another happy Facebook user!

Well, they just discontinued Paper this week. Shit. 

It looks like I am going back to the original idea…deleting it. I am not downloading two Apps to use all the benefits of Facebook. 

C'mon, Mark. 

Dick.

-YourFriendMatt

Yo. I can’t read good...

There ain’t no shame in my game. I went to the reading trailer in middle school. You know, that tan trailer on wheels out back of the ‘real' school where they took the four or five students per grade that were…linguistically challenged. The place I learned how to say and read the word ‘vegetable’ as VAG-EH-TAB-EL. "Short ‘A’ sound Matthew and you almost have it.” The blonde language arts teacher endlessly wearing a navy sweater turtle neck would say. Emphasis on the almost. This was after weeks of work. "I fink I am wewwy startin' to get it." I would say in response as she made a sign of the cross and rolled her eyes. I was brought up Catholic.

I don't hate reading, never have. I actually love it, but when I was younger, I guess it was harder for me. As an adult (kind of) now I try to read as much as possible. There is even an alarm on my phone that goes off daily so I can make a point to try to find a half hour a day to read. Take that brain! And School! You'll never get the best of me!

I recently did an experiment to see how many words I read per minute now as a semi-function citizen of this beautiful America society. I thought it would be way harder to figure out. After googling for about 6 seconds I found a website that offers reading test for free, Staples.com. Sure, why not? The place that sells the Easy Button also provides thorough aptitude test for reading competency...for free? Sure, why not?

As it turns out I read at 237 words per minute. Which, if you can't deduce by the bold letters on the tablet shaped graph included above that clocks me in at 5% slower than the national average. Me can't read good...according to Staples extensive online testing. Welp, there goes the rest of my confidence. That's right, I am worst at reading than an average 8th grader. It says so on the tablet graph above. Go check.

I included the link below if any of you are interested it this the comprehensive analysis. Let me know how you do!

Can you read good? Click here to see...

-YourFriendMatt