Matt Bates

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Look at her red eyes...this is where we slept...these chairs are super comfy...

Look at her red eyes...this is where we slept...these chairs are super comfy...

I Got Stuck...Part Two...

August 09, 2015 by Matt Bates

"I wonder if we'll ever get the hell out of here?" I stated in uncertainty staring at the clock, begging it to go faster.

It was almost 4am and we had slept in the cold LAX airport on black and while marble floor. Very comfortable and accommodating. At this point a cardboard box on a heating grate in New York would be the Ritz Carlton. Jamie and I stared at each other coldly, hating each other, damp sweat and anxiety poured over us. Silence. We just want to get out of here. "This sucks." Was a common response to our deliriously back and forth conversation as we tried to keep our spirits up. 

The clock stuck 3:45am and we packed up out makeshift bedding of carry-on items. With all the strength we could muster, we gathered our bags, which seemed to weight a billion pound now. We had to get through security. Rounding the corner for TSA we could see everyone was already in line. Another 40 minutes later we were there. The first time we went through security check the day before they pulled Jamie aside to rip her bag apart. She had a camera and a bottle of perfume she forgot to take out that set off certain alarm...and I guess she looked like a terrorist. Just for fun, I took her bag and left the exact same camera and perfume in there, we had time and I wanted to see what would happen. We made it through security without any trouble. Feeling safe at the airport yet? Same objects in the bag, no security stopped us. Wow. 

We made it to our gate. We still had another hour to see if we were going to make it out. We are flying standby so there is no guarantee. We got coffees through the endless line at the only Starbucks in our terminal, returning to stare at the clock again.

The plane started boarding. Our building anticipation deflated as the gate agent announced over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to begin boarding our nonstop flight to Philadelphia. This is a full flight and all passengers are checked in. We have a full flight. We will not have room for everyone's carry-on bags, if you have a roller bag, please bring it up now to get it checked."

"Welp, we aren't getting out on this one. Maybe we can take a nap." I said, sipping my shitty airport Starbucks. We made a new carry-on baggage bed and laid out watching the happy passengers board their plane tipping our coffees to them. The plane took off and we waved them goodbye.

"When's the next one?" Jamie asked, pulling out her neck pillow and eye mask. "Oh, I don't know, another 2 hours?" I responded. We took a nap and waited it out...

 

-YourFriendMatt

August 09, 2015 /Matt Bates
lax, los angeles, philadelphia, airport, nonrev, humor, hell, starbucks, usairways, new york, ritz carlton, comedy, laugh, Starbucks
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"I am telling you! I wasn't at a Walmart in Pittsburg buying auto parts and tampons!" - Me

"I am telling you! I wasn't at a Walmart in Pittsburg buying auto parts and tampons!" - Me

Fraudulent Charges...

May 17, 2015 by Matt Bates

"I am not saying it was you, but someone spent $100 on condoms, stool softener and nail polish at Walgreens Mr. Bates." - Bank Customer Service. 

I am a victim of fraudulent charges...for the second time in my life. I am told it happens to the best of us. Whoever said that is a dickhead though. Fraud blows. The last time this happened the bank froze my account and we set up a covert operation. I had to call from a specific number when I was at a local ATM. They could then unfreeze my account for 90 seconds so I could get some money to last me until they sent me a new card. I felt like a secret agent. Like we are about to sneak into a Swiss bank account and take them for everything they got. Then I looked at my bank statement and reality set back in.

I currently have no access to my money and I can't say that my customer service has been that stellar either. When they say they work banker's hours they weren't kidding. I wish I worked Monday through Friday 9-5. Conveniently, my fraud happened on a weekend, but don't worry, they will be working on getting my money back in a few business days...starting Monday. “Do you have any checks that you can use until we get you your new card?” My banks customer service agent asks over the phone. “Are you kidding me? It’s 2015. Who the hell even knows how to write a check? Can we just expedite me a new card and we can be done with this?” I reply. “Yes, Mr. Bates, for an additional $15 we can expedite the card and you should have it sometime early next week.” I am stunned. Yep. That sounds about right. Sure, why not. Let's do that.

Honestly though, after I got over the shock and anger of this situation, it has not been that bad. As I am currently write this I have a $1 bill in my pocket, which Jamie gave me, and have been coming up with inventive ways to pays for things. I say we bring back the bartering days. "I don't know, what do you say? I give you this nice pen in exchange for that bag of chips?" But I don't think that guy at 7-11 was amused by my offer. Apps have really helped. The Starbucks App has been great. I reload my gold card with them using my PayPal account so I have been living off a healthy diet of vanilla coffee and scones. Did you know they have a new Mini Frappuccino? What will they come up with next?

Anyone else ever go through this?

May 17, 2015 /Matt Bates
humor, funny, comedy, california, love, credit cards, fraud, los angeles, Matt Bates, yourfriendmatt, walgreens, discover, mastercard, Starbucks, frappuccino, walmart
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