Be my Valentine...

"Ah, shit! Burnt myself again!" - Me.

Sometimes, I cook. I am a very lucky man. I married a talented and beautiful woman who loves to cook. What else could a guy ask for? I am not completely helpless in the kitchen, but over they years my skills have gotten a little rusty with Jamie preparing most our meals. I have my culinary staples and tend to default to them when I run out of good ideas, or more importantly time. I can make a vegan chili like its nobody's business and my pancakes are second to none. Ask Jamie, she has given up on trying to make pancakes as good as mine in our household. It's just a fact, I can make pancakes, but she can make everything else better than me. It's a gentle balance in the Force.

That being said, this is just one example of how lucky I am to have a wife like mine. And, this is just an even longer way to tell her I wish her a Happy Valentine's Day and I am so in love with her. Even if Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday rooted in ancient Roman bloodshed and Pagan history, I love my wife. She puts up with all the stupid crap I do. She puts up with me acting like a jerk when I don't get my way and she still loves me at the end of the day.

Jamie - Thank you for all you do for us and for putting up with me. I love you and I am so proud and excited to be your husband. Here's to many more, I can't imagine going through this life without you.

Let's get burritos tonight.

-YourFriendMatt

Chili with YourFriendMatt...

"Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns." - Me

I am a very lucky guy. Jamie handles all meals in this house. She is just better at it and enjoys cooking. Every once in a while I find myself trying to impress her with my culinary skills. I have a handful of dishes I can pull off when I try. My pancakes? Get out of town, they are incredible. This past week I had a day off, and it was raining. Perfect chilly weather day for some chili (see what I did there?). I have a few different types of chili I like cooking. We have varying tastes when it comes to food. I can't get my food spicy enough where as she likes to do something she calls "actually tasting the food." So I decided to meet in the middle and use my basic chili recipe with a little heat; and a little Pabst. Making this chili is SUPER easy, hence why you can do it while drinking. *thumbs up emoji*

Without sounding like a pretentious dickhead, I try to use as many organic ingredients as I can (disregard the Pabst). Gather your ingredients and place the ground beef in a large pot and toss in the garlic. Cook over medium heat until browned, takes about 15 minutes. You can drain off the excess fat, but sometimes I do not, up to you. If I am using a leaner meat without a ton of excess fat I leave it; I think it adds some richness. Pour in the tomato sauce, chili powder, cumin, oregano, salt, some red pepper flakes, and cayenne. Stir together well, cover, and then reduce the heat to low. Simmer for 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes or so. If the mixture becomes overly dry, add 1/2 cup beer.

After an hour, place the masa harina (essentially corn flour, but hey, were getting worldly over here) in a small bowl. Add 1/2 cup of beer and stir together with a fork. It thickens up quick so act fast! Transfer the masa mixture into the chili. Stir together well, and then taste to add any additional seasonings. This is where I usually go nuts and start adding jalapeños, a canister of red pepper flakes, and every other source of heat I have in the house, but I wanted Jamie to enjoy dinner with me, so I kept it pretty tame today. Add more masa paste or beer to get the chili to your preferred consistency. Add the beans and simmer for 10 minutes! Done! Bowl that beast - top it with cheese - get classy and throw some lime slices or some tortilla chips around and you got yourself a nice rainy-day chili!

The goods:

2 pounds ground beef

2 cloves garlic, chopped

One 15-ounce can tomato sauce

2 tablespoons chili powder or to taste

1 tablespoon of red pepper flakes

1 teaspoon ground cumin

1 teaspoon ground oregano

1 teaspoon salt or to taste

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/4 cup masa harina

One 15-ounce can kidney beans

One 15-ounce can pinto beans

Shredded Cheddar, for serving, topping, or throwing around

Tortilla chips, for serving and throwing around

Lime wedges, for serving and throwing around

-YourFriendMatt

Accidents Happen...

 "FUCK! THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD!" She yelled. 'Remains calm under pressure' is not something stated on her resume.

Jamie had just cooked us a delicious pasta dinner. She cooks and I clean. It's how it works for us. And I have no problem with it. I eat well. After we engorged ourselves with rigatoni it was time for me to get the dishes done. I went to put the spices Jamie used away in our pantry and as I opened the cabinet door another spice bottle fell out tumbling to the ground. Normal and no big deal. I shut the cabinet door of our pantry (or so I thought) bent over to get the bottle and as I came back up BAM! I clipped the corner of the cabinet door that was now open unbeknownst to me. I hit the door so hard it knocked me back spilling the spices I was holding all over the floor. I put my hand to my head instinctually rubbing my injury. When I took my had off my head it was covered in blood and I could feel the top of head getting warm. I have never seen anything like this before on my life but I cocked my head and blood started pouring out to the floor like someone had turned on a faucet.

"Jamie!" I cry. She was on the couch Pinterest-ing on her iPad. She looked up from the flower arrangements and recipes glowing on her screen and responded with a quick "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"  like I intentionally cut my head open to piss her off. "Oh, ya know, my normal 8:30 bleed-from-the-head routine, no big deal." I said sarcastically "Get me a towel!" I was now on one knee worried I would pass out from blood lose... if I was going to pass out I didn't want to fall that far. Head injuries are now joke. I can't believe how much blood flowed onto the floor. Jamie grabbed the roll of paper towels ripping a handful off and throwing them to me as fast as she could "OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE! SHOULD I CALL AN AMBULANCE! ARE YOU GOING TO DIE? THATS IT! I AM CALLING MY MOM!" She yelled so quickly it could be mistaken for one long incoherent run-on sentence. "Calm down. Relax." I ordered as I pulled the paper towel from my head "It's nothing, just a flesh wound..." I trailed off as more blood spilled on the floor and I reach for more paper towels.

Quick! Take my picture!

Jamie called her mom and I sat down on the floor. Not because I was light headed (pun intended) but because if anymore blood was going to spill on the floor I'd rather it was on linoleum. "MY MOM SAYS TO APPLY PRESSURE!" I heard from the other room. "What the hell did she think I was doing?" echoed in my head. At this point what else could I do? Yep, might as well grab a beer.

...HighLife or no life...

After a while the blood slowed to a stop and our night came to an end. Jamie and I agreed I should stay up a while just in case I had a concussion. I called my mother before bed for support and to fill her in on what was going on in my life. What better time than right now while my head is spewing blood? I woke up this morning feeling fine besides a minor headache.

Remember when all else fail...beer will solve everything.