2016...

“What should we do today?” - Me

We started the year off waking up in Anaheim at Disneyland, me with a slight headache, Jamie with a slight caffeine deficiency. We had spent the night before at Disneyland frolicing like 4 year olds one last time in 2015…but not before splitting a bottle of champagne in our hotel room first…and by splitting I mean she has a glass and I drank the rest…towards the end…straight from the bottle.

We got up - sort of - I found us coffees and a plate of cheap hotel pancakes and we were off to re-enter Disneyland for the first time in 2016, technically the second time in 2016, but who’s counting. We bounced back and forth between the 2 parks and that’s when I received a call. Over the last few months Jamie and I have been looking for an adventure mobile. Something we can cruise in, party in and make memories. The problem was, we are broke, so trying to find something within the $0 to $10 category that wasn’t a used Power-Wheel was becoming an issue. 

See my Instagram for a short video about this ride...@MattBates

Luckily for us, I am a Craigslist guru and have been told I should write a book or open an consulting agency about how to used Craigslist effectively. After searching through, negotiating and losing all hope we found a real diamond in the rough. One of those posts that is almost too good to be true, but we put in an offer 2 days earlier and they accepted. Boom. Win. I got off the phone and we left Disney as fast as we could to go meet up with them before they changed their minds.

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present, Big Red...

Americans...#BigRed...

This has been one of the biggest impulse buys and most unplanned thing I have even done, which is not my style, but this thing is too good, we had to jump on it. This year is even more about just jumping, taking risks and continuing to focus on what makes us happy. This van might look like a silly old van no one wants but to us, this is our coast cruiser, the party machine and something that will be worth the story. (Plus, for what we bought it for, we can sell it and make a profit *Thumbs Up*).

Not a bad start to the new year, a day at Disney, cocktails with some great folks and a new addition to the fleet. 

2016, you are shaping up...

-YourFriendMatt

Anyways...

I haven't done a full song drum cover in a bit and this new single from The Starting Line rules. Looking forward to their new release this year, even if it is only 3 songs! Check them out, per-order or support if you want and get nostalgic.

Thanks for watching, give feedback, share and enjoy!

-YourFriendMatt

This one is on us...Part 2...

And...I'm drunk...

A few weeks ago I was lucky enough to play drums on the Santa Monica Pier. This was definitely on my bucket list and I checked it off. The added bonus to the night was that Bud Light happened to be in the bar and picked up my tab, then bought my girlfriend and I's beers all night. Then they filmed me responding to whatever they asked me. Safe to say that I am drunk in the video above but I think they planned that...

This video is available on the Bud Light website...my mom is probably so proud...

-YourFriendMatt

Summer Film Series...

Over the next few weeks I will be posting some of the short films I have been lucky enough to work on. Making these were some of the best times of my life. It blows my mind how lucky I am that I work with so many talented people who let me call them my friends.

This was filmed shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. My buddy Chris called me to tell me he was in Las Vegas and had an idea. One bus fare, a few cocktails, lost footage, a red sports car and a totaled Ford Explorer later...and we had this. 

Enjoy!

-YourFriendMatt

Stopped by my buddy Steve's house...

"Do those signs say no trespassing?" I whispered. "Well, I mean, it can't be trespassing if I am just walking down the street right?"

A few years ago I hated technology, couldn't stand it. (Honestly, still not the biggest fan). The thought of typing on a keyboard and the frustration that comes when your computer isn't doing exactly what you want it to do in 10 seconds was enough for me to stay completely away from them. I had a dumb phone and I thought the internet was an evil place, mainly because I didn't understand it. And I was right...the internet can be an evil, dark, weird, scary place if you look in the wrong spots, you weirdo's. That all sort of changed when I got my first iPhone a few years back. The ease of use and craftsmanship that came went into every feature, button and app hooked me. I guess I drank the Kool-Aid and became a part of the worldwide cult.

Last weekend Jamie and I went up to San Francisco to visit with some friends and venture around a new city we haven't explored. We took he scenic route up the Pacific Coast Highway along the golden pacific coast on our way. It added about 3 hours to our trip so on our way back we decided to take the direct route back to Los Angeles. One scenic drive, and 8 hours in a car accompanied by our small dog, is enough for any road trip. Typically when we are driving around America, especially in a new city, we will do some research to see if there are any off-the-beaten-track attractions for us to check out. When we were driving through Cupertino on our way home, we used the RoadTrippers app to see if there was anything around that we could check out quickly for fun and get back on the road. "Steve Jobs Childhood Home" was the first thing that populated and it was .05 miles from us on the highway. So, we pulled over to check it out. 

I guess they had just wrapped up filming for the latest Jobs' movie because the small town was still in a buzz, but there were not cameras or film crews to be seen. As we pulled onto the neighborhood street I couldn't help but think "This is just a regular neighborhood." I guess when things seem bigger than life you expect them to be this grand experience. But, all the world's most famous people, leaders or your role models...are just that, people. They all came from some neighborhood somewhere.

We did a quick drive-by of the house and there we signs all over the street and front yard stating the house is under "surveillance" and "no photo please." Pfft. I can't help it if I take a photo from the street and your house happens to be in the background. We quickly jumped out of the car, ran down the street, got into position, snapped the photo and ran away like we had just played ding-dong-ditch (that game you play as a kid ringing someones doorbell, running away as fast as possible and then hiding behind something to see if they answer the door, such fun). Jamie took a bunch of great pictures and obviously in this day and age where instant gratification is a must we reviewed them while sitting in the car before we took off from this quiet neighborhood.

I love traveling and I love my phone. I use this technology to stay in touch with my family across the country. It's friggin' awesome.

Remember, when there is a sign that says don't take photos, pretend like you didn't see it.

Stallions...Have a One Track Mind...

It's officially summer. I don't know about you but when summer hits I want nothing more than the sun, the beach and some flawless, poppy jams. Luckily, I did not have too look to far to discover the new single "Still Chasing" by rock foursome Stallions. "Still Chasing" is a sample from what we can expect from the bands new EP due out in July, One Track Mind. "Still Chasing" opens up with a effortlessly, upbeat tempo and leads to an undeniable chorus that gets stuck in your head until you are screaming it over and over again. We had a chance to catch up with Stallions recently to see what is going on.

YFM: Your new EP One Track Mind took a year and half to finish, what was different from this writing process than prior releases?

Stallions: This was the first album that we all wrote the music together. One of us would come to practice with a riff or idea and then we would expand on it as a group. We would record a quick demo of that song and Andrew would write lyrics and a melody to it.  After getting the principle tracks done for the album Shane and I [Steve] spent a ton of time programming drums and writing keyboard parts for the songs. 

YFM: Any plans to hit the road to support One Track Mind? 

Stallions: We are hoping to build enough buzz to make touring a viable option. We already have a tour bus! 

YFM: What can we expect from Stallions in the next year?

Stallions: We will be recording another music video in the next couple months for "Five More Steps." One of the other songs from One Track Mind. We would love to be able to make this our careers.

Give the new track "Still Chasing" a listen and look for Stallions in a town near you soon. One Track Mind will not disappoint. The musicianship, the voice and the good summer vibes are all accounted for and ready to take over your summer speakers. Stallions are here. Check them out now!

For Stallions info click here!

Scenic Route...

 "Where in the hell are we and who owns all these cows?"

This weekend Jamie and I took the scenic route up to San Francisco to visit with some friends. We love road trips and we ecstatic that we had extra time to take the long way up the coast. We cruised up the PCH for hours past countless forgotten beach towns and cattel farms. It's amazing how many cows there are wondering the golden hills of California. Honestly, who the hell do they belong too? 

When we finally ran out of gas, which always seems to happen happens when you are about 80 miles from the nearest gas station, we found King City.  We didn't getting to spend much time there but we were able to find this actual general store and meandered the dusty aisles for souvenirs. This was a true truck stop but we had the sense this was the kind of town that the Disney/Pixar movie Cars was based on. The owner was elated that we were there, showed us around, petted our dog and even threw in a free frisbee with our purchases.

What was your last road trip? 

Record Store Day at The Record Parlour...

Want to dig through crates of quality vintage records? Find music you grew up with? Discover music you never knew existed and discuss it with other music enthusiasts? The Record Parlour on Selma Avenue in the heart of Hollywood is a one-stop shop for all things music. They specialize in hunting down vinyl records, cassettes, old school turntables, and band memorabilia creating a culture of community that the neighborhood desperately needs. Attracting everyone who has a passion for the music, with over 20,000 vinyl records, vintage stereo gear and music memorabilia, the Record Parlour is quickly becoming a staple hang out for the surrounding hipster youth.

Since it opened, almost two years ago by owner Chris Honetschlaeger and manager/partner Chadwick Hemus, the store has been building a name for itself by hosting exciting in-store showcases, pop-up performance gigs, album playbacks and DJ sets to entire live performances recorded and transferred directly to vinyl onsite. Honetschlaeger has a background in vintage equipment and Hemu’s pedigree is as a vinyl curator for the original Amoeba (San Francisco)—which ensures that the sound and quality are outstanding.

Rooms and rooms and rooms filled and organized with albums...

For Record Store Day on Saturday, April 18 The Record Parlour hosted a series of events and live performances kicking off the celebration with the debut vinyl collection from the estate of philanthropist Marshall Howard. The heavily curated collection features extremely rare original finds—including Jazz, R&B, Classic Rock, Soul, Blues, Exotica and Folk. Bands that performed included Isaac Rother & The Phantoms, Lee Bob and The Truth and Big Jay McNeely & Rob Stone: Chicago Blues; and there was a book signing of Record Store Book: Fifty Legendary and Iconic Places to Discover New and Used Vinyl by author Mike E. Spitz and photographer Rebecca Villaneda.

We had a chance to sit down with Honetschlaeger to see what makes The Record Parlour tick.

M2M: How long have you been serving the community?

Honetschlaeger: We opened August 2013, so a little over a year and half. It took me four months to build. It was all offices before. I basically knocked out all the walls to keep the space open. The idea was this building has so much history being an old print shop in the 20’s. If you look around Hollywood these buildings are going away with all the development going on. We just basically came in here and reconfigured the whole joint.

M2M: What makes The Record Parlour different from other record stores?

Honetschlaeger: I don’t think we’re a record store at all. We’re a record / lifestyle store. I am not offended by the record store [title] but I just think we are bigger than that and here’s why, the three P’s: Purchase, Perform and Produce. That’s the vision here. We go past the one-dimensional place to purchase music. The second “P” stands for “place to perform music.” We built a stage and an incredible sound system. We have had little bands and big bands play here and they tell us it sounds amazing. It sounds amazing because we make it amazing. Venues operate 24/7. If a speaker goes out they can’t get to it for two weeks. I have a tech on staff, so if something goes out, it’s fixed immediately. Also, we don’t stack bands. There is only one band per night, except for today, which is special because of Record Store Day. One band per night gives the band time to hang out and sell their merchandise. If you have ever been a musician it can be pretty hectic to be rushed around. The third “P,” which we started rolling out in January, stands for “a place to produce music.’ So downstairs, right below us, is going to be our control room. So literally you come play, cut a record on our record lave, perform it that day and sell your records. Again, Purchase, Perform, Produce.

M2M: What is on your personal turntable right now?

Honetschlaeger: Well I have a five year-old daughter so nothing is ever on my turntable. I don’t know if you have kids, but it will get destroyed. [laughs] But what was on my turntable was, well like to tinker with DJ’ing. I am sort of good at it, not that I am a scratchy turntable-ist but I know how to put songs that are BPM (beats per minute) related together and that’s hard because you’re tying into the vibe of the song, or to the break of a song, or the bridge of a song. Nowadays with all these DJ’s I have to say it’s pretty easy. I mean everything is BPM or beat tracker. Back in the day all we had was vinyl. Everyone who comes here spins records. I’m talking about real records and that’s really, really hard, especially if you’re not tapping them out or matching BPM’s. But what’s on my turntable? As of right now. Rick James.

Honetschlaeger’s passion for detail and love for music is what makes The Record Parlour an undeniable epicenter. The rustic feel of open space, brick walls and exposed wood beams give the space character that is accentuated by its enthusiastically helpful staff. Whether you want to find that KISS album you had in your teen years, acquire a first pressing of Changes by David Bowie or catch a concert of local The Record Parlour is a must.

The Record Parlour owners hard at work...

THE RECORD PARLOUR is located in Cahuenga Corridor: 6408 Selma Avenue: Hollywood, CA 90028. www.therecordparlour.com

I Got Peed On...

“Oh, man. My bad. At least you know he is hydrated.” - Some Dad 

Returning from a lunch break, I hit the restroom to relieve myself before getting back to work. Standing at the urinal doing my business another group of individuals wander into the bathroom. A dad and I assumed his children from the sounds. Using proper guy-code-restroom-edicate I didn’t turn around to check it all out. You never turn around. Just keep your eyes on your business. My urinal was next to one of the stalls. As I was looking down, I saw little sneakers in my peripheral vision from the stall next to me. I assumed routine dad bathroom business as he needed to help his son. Except this time I didn't see a pair adult size sneakers slide into my peripheral. "No big deal." I thought. 

A second later, I thought I was bleeding. I felt a hot streak across ankle and foot. I looked down to make sure I was okay. At this point, I am still going. As Lloydd Christmas said "I can't stop once I've started. It stings!" After further inspection of my foot, it seems there was a clear liquid on it. And then another hot streak...and another. I guess this kid was just pretending he was a front yard sprinkler swaying and pissing wherever he wanted. I froze. I didn't know what to do. I have never been peed on before. I got out a subtle "Uh? Stop! Please. Don't pee on me!" trying to zip up, back up and see where the hell this kids dad was.

It turns out the dad was in the other stall, helping his other son and trusted his 2-year-old to aim on his own. He came out of the stall as I looked at him. Not knowing what else to do I pointed at my pee-covered foot. "Oh, man. You peed on yourself?" was the dad's first response. I thought to myself, "If I had peed on myself why the hell would I tell you?" This is a weird day. I told him it was not my pee and he responded with an inquisitive "You sure?" I just stared at him in disbelief trying to hold back my confusion and displeasure of having someone I don't knows pee on me, I pointed to the bathroom floor where it looked like someone spilled a glass of water. "Oh, man." He said...again. This guys temperate was that of a high 16-year-old drop out. "Well, at least you know he is hydrated!" And gave a little chuckle. 

He offered to clean my foot and this is when I chose to leave the bathroom. I don't know if I could have handled the weirdness of a kid I don't know peeing on me and a guy I don't know washing my foot in a public bathroom. Does this kind of stuff ever happened to you?

Moving forward I will probably just wait to use the handicap accessible stalls from now on.

-YourFriendMatt

Record Store Day 2015...

The last man in line...Happy Record Store Day!

"Holy crap. This sucks." I am the last man in line at Amoeba Records in Hollywood. What the hell was I thinking?" I went through this last year and it took me four hours to get through the line. I didn't get half the records I wanted. "This year will be different." I told myself. "I will get up early or sleep out the night before!" Over and over again. 

Waking up at 9:00am on Record Store Day I figured I'd be screwed. And I was. I rounded the corner after parking about a mile away and then I saw it. The mother of all lines filled with vinyl junkies waiting to get their fix. The one good thing that Amoeba does on Record Store Day is keep a list of all the releases on a white board out front of the shop. This allows them to cross things off as they sell out of them...and when Brand New releases a vinyl press of their "break out" album and it’s limited to 1,500 world wide...chances are I'm not getting it when I'm standing in line 3 miles away. 

I stood around for a few minutes chatting with a few of my fellow slackers who slept in before I decided to wander up to the front of the store to see what was already sold out. What do I care if I lose my spot in line. As I expected...every release I wanted was sold out. I heard people in the front of the line saying they had been camped out since 7pm...the day earlier. Watching happy folks walk away from Amoeba toting their prize record purchases just adds insult to injury. These people were the smart ones…or crazy ones…who slept out all night. Bastards.

So. I left. Broken. Beaten. And bummed. 

I gave it one last-ditch effort and decided to hit one more record store before I went home with my tail between my legs. Record Surplus on Santa Monica, less than 2 miles from my house, had ALL the releases I wanted and NO LINE. The record gods shined down on me after all. This place is an oasis. I couldn't believe it. This is truly a neighborhood record shop and I will be shopping there before I cross the 10 any day. It just goes to show…if you sleep in…you win.

California Screamin'

"Man, that noise did not sound good." I thought to myself right before my coaster came to a screeching halt.

Yesterday Jamie and I went to Disneyland. If you follow my Instagram (@MattBates) this probably comes as no surprise. We are first time annual pass-holders and since we purchased the passes we have already be to Disneyland 12 times...in 10 weeks. That's roughly about $2,000 if we would have purchased regular tickets every time instead of getting annual passes...I think we're getting our money's worth.

We grabbed a beer as we walked through the park after eating a quick burrito dinner. I am getting good at reading the crowds of zombie-like, fatigued out-of-state vacationers trying to cram in as much as the park can offer on their yearly vacation. We strolled passed California Screamin'. Although it looked packed and would take an hour to get on the ride; it was just the crowd traffic around the area. The real wait time to get on the ride was only 10 minutes. This is very unusual for a Saturday where ride lines can take up to an hour and a half. I turned to Jamie excitedly, "We have to get on! You almost done your beer!" As it turned out she didn't want to get on a roller coaster 15 minutes after eating a burrito...followed up by a beer. I could see her point, but I have an iron stomach. She encouraged me to go my as a solo rider and we would meet up after. Taking advantage of the opportunity I kissed her forehead, downed my beer and ran off like a 5-year-old flailing my limbs around jumping for joy.

I quickly got through the line and when the cast member asked me how many were in my party so he could get me on the ride I told him I was a single rider. I also told him I would be willing to wait until the next ride went if I could sit in the front which he didn't mind. The ride I was suppose to be on shot off and I was next to sit front seat for this roller coaster. The coaster pulled in and the riders filed off. I shot Jamie a quick text before stepping on the ride to let her know I was about to go if she wanted to see me off. My phone back in my pocket I stepped on the ride, pulled down the safety bar and waited to be launched.

The ride released and we moved forward. California Screamin' stops right around the first corner so you can see the first incline you'll be flung over. This also gives you family members a good photo opportunity. Jamie stood looking over as I waved or gave her a thumbs up for the front row. The countdown started and I heard an awful metal screeching sound followed by a booming thud. Not normal. And not what you want to hear right before your roller coaster takes off. "Okay Screamers! Ready in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go!" Echoed over the sound system as our coaster stayed stationary. I looked over to Jamie and shrugged. "Okay Screamers! Ready in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go!" Again over the sound system and nothing. I started to look around as if I was being punked. "Okay Screamers! Ready in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, go!" Nothing again but more horrible metal grinding sounds. On-lookers stared at us on the ride as we all tried to play it off like we weren't kind of scared in a Final Destination kind of way. This was starting to worry me but we all remained in good spirits. The suspense was started in the build. In my head I started to think what if this thing really is broke? How the hell are we going to get out of here? I mean, I am sure we will be fine right? This is Disney. They know what they are doing? Right? Besides, I am kind of like Macgyver, I can fix this. 

Although it was probably a routine maintenance problem for Disneyland it scared the crap out of me. We probably only sat for a few moments before the ride finally released but it felt like an eternity. I did enjoy the ride when it took off and will continue to go on it...repeatedly. But if I am being honest, I held on for dear life this time around. Even still, through a brief moment of uncertainty...you can't pass up giving the camera on the coaster a goofy face if you know where it is.

Kid behind me was not as pumped as I was...

Ever get stuck on a ride at an amusement park?

-YourFriendMatt

Cat Cork EP Review...

With a fluid sound and effortless lyrics, the new self-titled EP release from Australian musician Cat Cork starts with a simplistically relatable bang. Tranquilizing vocals on the introductory track, “Dreaming My Life Away,” whisper effortless lyrics that all listeners can connect with. Reminiscent of the stripped down album, Nebraska by Springsteen, a simple bell keeps the tempo as the rustic guitar plays along with the melodic chorus. As the last refrain hits, the straightforward instruments take over and the epilogue plays on.

“Let It All Go!” takes over from here with its straightforward message. Cat Cork pulls all the stops, letting the listener dive in and be submerged in sea of familiarity. Feelings expressed and honest words bridge gaps missing in most of the cookie-cutter folk being shoveled through your radio speakers—Cork’s music is, well…it’s a breath of fresh air. Engaging questions layered in the verses are answered in the song’s chorus. A tasteful piano presence leads to a surprising element of complexity as the EP bleeds into “Wandering Rocks.” A mix of mandolin and acoustic guitar complement each other as stoic dual vocals collide.

“Hold On” warms up when arpeggiati notes unite with a chugging chord chorus. All instruments build towards a multi-vocal layer, filling headphones with a full and beautiful choir. A fade leads to the stories eerie ending of piano, percussive, instrumental bliss. A quick listen or a repeat play of this EP does not disappoint. It is not a far stretch from earlier work of Cork but leaves fans satisfied and craving more.

Editor’s Note: Worth a listen: “Never Want to Wake Up”

Office Hours...

"What in the world could you be doing in there for that long!" She said for the umpteenth time nearly kicking down the door. "I gotta pee so bad I'm going to explode!" I respond with a calm and simple "I do some of my best thinking in here.”

It has become my favorite room in the house. A spot where I can go to be alone with my thoughts. Enjoy a cup of coffee. Depending on the time of day I may even finish a beer. This is a place where I can skim through various social media outlets, catch up on my library book or even come up with the idea to write this very post -- I may have even written half of it while in here.

The bathroom is my office. And during Office Hours I get some of my best work done. Getting zen in the bathroom is a part of my routine and I look forward to it. Every morning I budget time before my hectic commute — a bike ride lining beach — to take care of business (if you know what I mean) but to also reply to emails, send birthday wishes, play Words with Friends against my uncles, pay bills wirelessly and plot my day.

Since we have opposite schedules my Office Hours usually are not an issue for us. Jamie doesn't have to get up for another hour after I have already left for work. On a rare weekend we are both off is usually when it creates a disturbance. Moving forward with our life together we will eventually have to have at least 2 offices. I do respect that she has to go in there, but I do give fair warning before I enter.  “You may not see me for a while.” I pause like a sergeant going into battle. I look up to the sky for dramatic effect as I secure my iPad under my arm. Sleep dust crusted in the corner of my eyes and my hair sticking up in every direction from my glorious slumber, “This one might be hell. Burritos last night. A black coffee and Raisen Bran. What was I thinking?" Pausing to bite my lower lip pretending I'm about to cry for more dramatic effect. "And I have to come up with a 80 point word against Uncle Phil. I love you. Wish me luck.” I kiss her head as she scoffs in disgust. “You are so gross.” Waving me off, “I love you too.” As the door closes and I am at peace.

List of (some) Accomplishments during Office Hours:

• YourFriendMatt.com was created here.
• Making countless and accurate grocery lists.
• Applying to college.
• Canceling cable.
• Viewing and Completing Season 3 of Breaking Bad.
• Paying bills, trading stocks and chats with my financial advisor.
• Planning birthdays and family functions.
• Nearly every call I have had with any customer service agent...ever. 
• Obligatory crossword puzzles.

Need I say more? Don't act like you aren't viewing this from a Facebook post on your toilet right now.

-YourFriendMatt

Damn you, Hootie...

 "Holy Crap! This song is awful." I state but no matter of the volume she doesn't hear me. My girlfriend loves country music.

I am forever doomed to listen to twanging guitars and lyrics about red dirt roads. I guess it's not all bad. The older stuff seems to hit a lot harder than the crap Nashville is cranking out now. A lyric from a song I heard the other day went something along the lines of "Chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco, spit." Now, I am not a song writing master but holy hell that was the best that song-writing team could do? They have to have what, a billion dollars? The worst part is no matter how much I hate the song it always gets stuck in my head, or hers, all night. And we always only know one line from the song so we repeat it over and over again! I guess that team did do it right, bastards. Even Hootie - of The Blowfish fame - is getting in on the action. That's right. Hootie is a country singer. Yes, I know his name is Darius. But I feel I'm not alone when I say he will be Hootie to everyone until the end of time.

Regardless, there is just something about this woman. I love her. So, she can listen to the country station and dance with the frozen peas and roasted chicken we just bought for dinner. I am sure she puts up with enough of my crap daily. I thought the video attached was too good not to share. This is one of her new favorite jams and when we hear it this is her reaction. There will never be a shortage of new country songs on the radio. She will continue to fall in love with them but every time she does something like this I fall more in love with her. Even if the song is crap.

Damn you, Hootie!

-YourFriendMatt

The American Public...Part 2...Mr. Prick

"Uh! I don't know how that got there!" He said frantically as he tried to hit any button that would close the x-rated open web-browser that read "Grandpa's Christmas Cookie.”

Author Side-note: Ew. 

I use to do freelance tech support for a small law firm. It was the best job ever, but I was working through school so anything with a paycheck seemed good enough for me. One day while making the rounds at the office one of the partners flagged me down. He was a real prick. Never said hello to me, always cut me off, especially when I was explaining things to him. He even asked me to leave the room while I was fixing his computer because “The Big Boys were talking.” He then laughed at me as I left the room with his colleagues. Once again, I can't say this enough, this guy is a prick.

"What the hell is a cloud anyway!" As his boney pointer finger digs into my chest. I ask him how I can help him and he proceeds to tell me how nobody can fix his problems. "No shit." I thought to myself. “All I need is for this-to-talk-to-this and then you can leave.” As he slams his tablet next to his desktop computer. “You got that? Are you paying attention?” Almost cutting himself off, then scoffs. I start looking through his preferences, settings, etc asking standard questions “Sir, do you know your password?” Turning to look at him. He shoots me a look like I have just murdered his family. “How? How the fuck am I suppose to remember a password, you dumb shit?” Oh, I forgot. I am a complete dickhead. It's my fault you can't remember the same password you use everyday to get into your email. My bad. This is when I notice the porn open...but hidden behind another application. And, not just any porn. The title of this erotically graphic adult adventure is 'Grandpa's Christmas Cookie.'

This prick goes on to tell me my millennial generation is a bunch of "dumb-asses" and have no respect. He then tells me I need to "get my shit together" and stop "dicking around" when he has so much work to do. Clearly, I am not the one dicking around here and I know how to push this porn, Grandpa's Christmas Cookie, to the front lobby TV. I double-click while he continues yelling at me and before you know it two tan, barely-legal spread legs topped with a Santa hat are being broadcast to the entire office. Nothing is more priceless than watching someone, especially such a fucking prick, scramble to make their dirty porn go away. He pokes the monitor - which is NOT a touch screen - presses delete and finally just shakes the monitor to make it stop. The entire office was blasted with sex as he works any combination of keys to make it all go away. I love when people forget that their desktop computer monitor isn't a touch screen.

Needless to say I didn't last long there and Mr. Prick never talked to me again. It is my hope that he learned his lesson...but probably not. People like him never do. Regardless, I think we can all agree on two things. Porn is great when you don't get caught watching it...and that guy is a prick.

-YourFriendMatt

Enjoy this post? Check out The American Public Part One here!

Airstream Adventuring...

We set out on an adventure and found it. 

Airstreaming...

This year Jamie and I have made a commitment to continue our adventurous ways. We will schedule as many trips or over-nights, within our budget, at least once a month...if we can. 

Over the last year we uprooted our lives and moved 3,000 miles away from everything comfortable. We have seen our fair share of setbacks, poverty and have remained positive to come out on top. Now that we have laid a thin layer of roots down in Southern California we felt it is time to start seeing what was at our fingertips.

This past weekend we found an Airstream camper in the middle of nowhere on AirBNB. It was within our budget, close enough to home and just the right about of danger…or adventure…that we were comfortable with. As we pulled into the farm-like gates we were a little confused. Didn’t we move away from the country? I thought LA was a city? Evidently Malibu can get very country, very quickly. We found ourselves roaming scenic, winding roads until we finally found our destination. A scruffy mountain-man on an ATV greeted us with two humongous, matted rescue dogs as we pulled on a dirt path with our 2004 Ford Focus...not the ideal mountaineering car. But she is trusty.

“Hi! I am Matt and this is Jam…” I shouted from the rolled down drivers side window being cut off by his roaring, scratchy voice. He was trying to project his voice over his engine with a careless “Yeah, That’s great, kid! Follow that dirt path up about a mile!" Pointing aimlessly "You’ll find it! If you don’t, you’re a moron!” He cackled and drove off. "Welp, up that dirt path we go." As we shrugged at each other. Jamie and I found ourselves scaling this dirt path, on the side of a cliff at about a 45 degree angle. I caressed the dashboard and wiped the sweat from my brow exclaiming "Okay, Ol' Trusty. We have been through a lot, but please make it up this mountainside! Don't die on me now!" Our car engine was revving so hot that it sounded like it was going to fall out. Jamie looked to her right out the passenger side window as our tires spun inches away from what would certainly be our death if we made a wrong move. A pack of wild goats, no joke, I wish I had a picture, greeted us as we reach the top and then scampered off. A rounding curve led us directly to our home for the night.

This is called ‘glamping.’ A mix of the word glamour and camping, I assume. When you go on a camping adventure, but have most the amenities of home. This thing was running hot water, electricity, a refrigerator, shower, septic system, full oven and breathtaking view of the Santa Monica mountains. Our white-haired, scruffy host eventually made his way up the mountain on his ATV to greet us, his fellow scruffy friends by his side.  Without missing a beat he started with “Now, if you see any big black shadows moving around in the middle of the night don't be scared. It’s not the devil or a bear. It’s just the horses scrounging around.” I paused for a minute and followed excitedly with “You have wild horses roaming around here?” I asked as he replied with a short “You calling my horses wild?” I immediately shut up and let him show us in.

We unpacked, especially our cooler of beer and took a walk through Backbone Trail located right off our front door. For the rest of the night we unplugged playing Trivial Pursuit (which I lost), cooked a camping stew, listening to oldies and laughing together. Having no TV is a blessing. We often get so wrapped up in our daily that we forget to have a conversation.

To our surprise it rained overnight resulting a cloudy, misty morning as we shared coffee, staring out to the fresh, green hills littered with bright foliage and boulders. 

This dude...is ready to party...

Side-note: It started raining right after this photo was taken and we immediately started playing Uno...and quickly turned it into a drinking game...it was 9am. 

-YourFriendMatt

The Nose Ring...

Holy shit! I think you ripped it out!” Jamie screeched in my direction. “My bad.” Trying to subdue my laughter.

Recently my family came to visit for the week. My mothers first trip out to Southern California to see the life her son and girlfriend had made for themselves. My sisters first trip to LA as an adult. This is a big moment for our family and we were all thrilled. Not to mention Philadelphia is 12 degrees and covered in snow so it is a nice break from the "Polar Vortex" they are currently experiencing. 

Oh, ya know, just hanging at the tattoo shop with my mom. That is blood on my sister's shirt...

We had a few ideas planned for their trip and taking them to see the chaos Venice Beach offers was a must. I don’t know what it is but every time family comes to visit, we go a little crazy. In the infamous words of the famed Canadian actor-turned-rapper-turned-actor Drake...YOLO. Case in point, last time Jamie’s parents came for a visit she and her mother decided to get tattoos one afternoon. Why not? When they’re 2-for-1 you’d be an idiot to pass up that kind of deal. This time around it was Jamie and my baby sister who decided to get piercings. Surprisingly, but not really too surprisingly, my mother instigated the whole thing. She cheered them on from the sidelines and paid for it all. Way to go, Mom!

A few days passed and they headed back east. Jamie still had to nurse the fresh hole in her nose so it wouldn't get infected. I came home from work one night and our dog, Piper, greeted me by running around, jumping excitedly and accidentally knocking things over as she does. This creates an effect on the house and we all started rough housing.  Jamie and I went to pick up Piper at the same time when my left hand perfectly grazed Jamie's face, fingernail first meeting the faux-diamond-topped piercing sitting on the side of her right nostril. The piercing now stuck under my fingernail was ripped out of her nose with one swoop....accidentally of course. 

The scream of pain that came out of her next is still ringing in my ears. "You dick! What the fuck!" Followed by a string of obscenities that I couldn't make out as she ran for the bathroom. Blood running out of the inside and outside of her nose life a faucet. It was everywhere. I pulled the toilet paper off the roll and handed it to her to stop the rushing blood. “You are such a moron! Why would you do that! My nose!” And I just took it...laughing on the inside. "Yeah, I know, I'm a bastard." I agreed and apologized.

We got her patched up and she iced it down. She eventually got the ring back in her nose a few hours later as she shot eye-daggers from the couch I was not allowed to sit on now. 

Important safety tip: refrain from rough housing with a tiny, furry dog when you have a fresh nose piercing. It could end in disaster.

-YourFriendMatt

Hell on Earth...

I am at the Department of Motor Vehicles. This is hell.

February 3rd 2015 - It's a Tuesday morning. The DMV opens at 8 on a beautifully brisk SoCal morning. I grab my coffee-to-go mug and leave to get there by 7:30am, to be the first in line when they open. Pulling onto Colorado Ave. I see a line of people and think nothing of it. After all my local DMV is across the street from Universal Music Group, maybe there is a celebrity signing or free concert. Nope. This endless line of disgruntled zombies holding paperwork is here to get a title changed or take their drivers test. This should be fun.

They don't open for another half hour. 

This is probably my fault. I should have followed the rules, been aware of my expiring license and got it taken care up in a timely manner making a reservation. I did not do any of that and now I am paying the price. When I finally got into the building, just to get into another line, the chipper administrative officer told me I needed a reservation to take my California drivers exam and added "They next one I can schedule you for..." trailing off in silence squinting at the glow coming from his computer screen "Is late March! Wow! That's not bad at all." I stare in awe. I can't do anything but I can't be without a license for a month and a half. I beg and plead asking if there is anything else I can do and he brings me in close to tell me a secret. "The DMV in Granada Hills accepts walk-ins." He whispers "You should be able to get in and out of there quick!" I thank him for the tip and jump in the car - and expired license - to Granada Hills.

After sitting in in the other Hell on Earth Los Angeles provides to the world - The 405 - I arrive a quick hour and a half later at the next DMV and there is no place to park. Usually not a good sign. Remember how that guy at the other DMV said I should be able to get 'In and out'? Well, this is what I walked into.

5 hours, 3 different lines and a panic attack later I walked out. 5 hours. 5 hours of sitting. I had so much time on my hands I wrote this blog, downloaded the DMV App and took practices driver tests. I even called home to a few people to let them know I was still alive.

This is a tale of caution. Don't make the same mistake I did. Make a reservation for the DMV. And if someone gives you advice at the DMV punch him in the balls.

Ol' Trusty...Part Two...

“Oh man. No way. This can’t be happening.” we softly uttered as the engine seized… 

Our band had been invited to play an event for a rock radio station in Philadelphia. We hadn’t played together in almost a year, we had no new material to showcase, some of us moved to other states and we would only be able to get one rehearsal in…we went for it. We missed each other and needed a excuse to play music together again. Besides, we are professionals right? We would all remember the lyrics, harmonies and parts after a hour of rehearsing right? Sure - it's like riding a bike - 'we got this' repeats over and over again in my head.

I landed back in Philadelphia to rehearse, caught up over some beers, packed up and we were on our way. Chris and I drove our ramshackle van full of equipment while the other guys went separately due to prior obligations. When we get together we think we are invincible and even at our age, which is closer to 30 that 20, we find ourselves reverting to our adolescent mindsets. Even the worst ideas seem probable after we all convince one another it's possible. Case in point - driving our band van, which is literally falling apart, 20+ miles to Philadelphia. 

Our final destination...if we make it there...

We got this...

Right before we departed there was a (very) quick conversation about the  possibility of the van not making it. Back up plan? Nope. “She is going to make it! There is no other option!” We decided as we all raised a toast to the van that has gotten us around the world and back. “Here goes nothing.” Chris whispered in a moment of clarity “Okay Ol’ Trusty…all you have to do is get us there. We will take it from there.” caressing the steering wheel. I turn and place my hand on the dusty dashboard. "We got this."

There was traffic so we decided to make our into New Jersey and then cut back over into Philadelphia from there. This made sense if you were driving a vehicle that was well maintained and knew it was going to get your to your final destination. In our case though this was a tricky maneuver. If the van died in New Jersey we were screwed. We crossed the bridge from Delaware in to New Jersey and all was going well. As we had reached the crest of the bridge there was a loud, unnerving bang. Where did it come from? Chris and I side-glanced at each other. “Did you feel that?” I asked. “It’s nothing! Ol’ Trusty will get us there!” Chris responded and then it happened - the van shut off. Died. We were motionless at the crest of the bridge like a roller coaster at the top of its track. “No way!” We both barked “Start rocking forward and hopefully we can coast down the rest of the bridge!” We rocked and pushed and then she went. The centrifugal force and gravity started to pull us into New Jersey as we coasted with a dead van full of equipment. “Oh man! Do the brakes still work?” as I turn to Chris who is throwing an open container out the window. He responds “Man! This is probably an awful time to tell you that the van is uninsured!” We both scream held each other and pray for the best as we careened towards the garden state.

Frantically, Chris pumps the brakes as we whiz by a colorful "New Jersey Welcomes You" sign. We were running out of road fast as we see our lane was coming to an end. "Woo! The shit hit the fan quick on this one, baby!" Chris yells and he jerks the wheel steering us into another lane. I could see there was a fork in the road at the end of the bridge. "Aim for that shoulder man! If we can land there we'll be fine!" I point as I pull out my phone to document with a quick social media post...and to send to the rest of our band to keep them up to date with our current whereabouts. What? If we are going down like this I want social media to know we went out in glory. "Already ahead of you!" Chris responds as our ship starts to course correct towards the fork 's shoulder. 

With a screech of the tires, a cloud of black road dust and a touch of luck we land on the shoulder of the road. We wipe the sweat from our brows and slowly turn to look at each other in awe. After a wide-eyed, jaw dropped pause of amazement we slowly crack smiles. "Holy shit! We did it!" Double checking my phone for the video playback. "Damn straight we did. Now, lets fix this beast." Chris motions to me exiting the drivers seat to pop the hood. In a few moments, along with a a lot of cursing, hitting the engine with hammers and readjusting battery connections we were back on the road.

"I don't know? Should we hit it with a hammer?" - Matt & Chris

The rest of the ride was steady besides a few pops and sputters. We made it to the venue in time to load in, sound check and grab a brew together. The show went on and we had a blast seeing all our family, friends and creating memories. See…like I said…we got this.

-YourFriendMatt

While You Were Gone...

I am so excited to announce we are going to be releasing another short film on August 1, 2014! It's under three minutes! We are always looking for new hurtles to jump and to push our creativity. Trying to get a point across in three minutes is a challenge but I am proud of this outcome.

Above is a quick trailer about the film. We submitted this to a film contest here in California and no matter what the result this is another project of love and passion. Create because you love it, you get to make your friends laugh and screw what everyone has to say. Please check it out and let us know what you think! Thank you for everyone's continued support and love!